


Things Lost In Between

by Mysenia



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills 2015 [29]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5119928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysenia/pseuds/Mysenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone had things they did not say, or kept hidden away. It was just a fact of life. Stiles needed to learn that keeping some things held in only brought about hurt when they eventually came out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Lost In Between

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nezstorm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nezstorm/gifts).



> bxdcubes asked: or 15. with steter? <3<3<3 i know you'll make me cry :D
> 
> 15\. Things you said with too many miles between us

It was not like Stiles planned to leave before everything came pouring out of him. Of course there were things that he had wanted to say, things that he kept biting his tongue on so the words didn’t escape his mouth.

Everyone had things they did not say, or kept hidden away. It was just a fact of life. 

Except, perhaps, Stiles should have made time to have one last conversation. One last conversation where he said what he needed to say instead of hiding away his true feelings.

And now there was nothing but cowardice and the sense of guiltiness eating away at him. It was so much easier to pretend behind the screen of a computer during skype or the even more impersonal face of a text message. 

Stiles knew, eventually, it would all come out. It would be gruesome in it’s delivery and the distance between them, but Peter would have to find out some time. 

The game was quickly coming to a close, and Stiles had never been that good at charades anyway. 

Each conversation they had that Stiles did not tell Peter what he needed too only ate away at him until he was no longer sleeping the night through, and his stress had sky rocketed. 

Every murmured ‘ _I miss you_ ’ and choked up ‘ _I love you_ ’ had Stiles hunching his shoulders, the pain of his guilt a physical reaction. It became harder and harder to respond to those simple sentences filled with entire realms of meaning.

So much more meaning behind them coming from Peter than they were coming from Stiles’ own mouth. He hated himself for the lies he let out but so far the wolf had not suspected a thing, so apparently Stiles was better at omitting things than he thought he was.

Until, of course, the day came when Stiles could no longer hold back the flood.

* * *

Stiles glanced at his phone as it started ringing, Peter’s face popping up on the screen. Stiles’ heart clenched at the sight, and his heart sped up. He really did not want to answer the phone.

He slid his thumb over the screen to accept and pressed the phone to his ear. 

“H-hello.” His words stuck in his throat so he stuttered his greeting.

“Hey there stranger, I’ve missed hearing your voice.” Peter replied.

And that was the breaking point for Stiles. He could no longer continue the farce.

“I can’t do this anymore, Peter.” Stiles whispered, not wanting to let the words out but needing them to be gone from him.

“You can’t do what anymore, Stiles?” Peter asked, all concern.

“This. You and me.” Stiles breathed out on a sigh, shoulders relaxing now that the words have left his mouth. “Whatever you would call this, I cannot do it.”

The line is silent for long moments and Stiles glances at his phone to see that the line is still connected. The nervousness sets in and he can feel cold sweats breaking out all across his body.

“Whatever you would call this.” Peter parrots, voice neutral. 

It’s not a question but Stiles feels the urge to respond welling up in his throat. He bites his lower lip hard to keep from saying anything.

“I would ask if you want to know what I ‘ _would call this_ ’ except I don’t think you actually want to hear my answer. I think you want to take the easy road out and hide away in your dorm room, where afterwards you can go and lean on all your friends about how you just ended the ‘ _whatever you would call this_ ’.” 

Stiles shook his head at that. It was not the easy way out. He had been agonizing over this decision for months.

“I call you my boyfriend. My partner. My future husband.” Peter paused. “My family.”

Stiles could not bear to hear the rest of what Peter had to say so he hung up. His heart was racing and nausea boiled in his stomach.

Sure they had say  _I love you_  but that did not mean they were serious. Peter had been adamant that they were to be no more than a fling.

It had been that surety that this thing between was not a forever deal that had been eating Stiles up inside. Why should he continue to pour forth feelings and hours of thought for this one man when Peter would likely be gone in an instant?

Yet, Peter was saying he thought they were more than that? Stiles wonders where he was when the decision to become  _more_  had passed.

No, it was not just a thought to Peter but apparently a fact. There had been no stutter, his voice had been sure.

And Stiles had fucked it all up.

He threw his phone across the room in anger - at himself - and curled over as his eyes filled with water. The only relationship he ever wanted to be in and he had just ended it because he thought Peter was not in it for the long haul.

He thought to end his pain now and cut himself off from falling deeper for the man who’d surprised him in so many wonderful ways, and yet the pain squeezing his chest tight was worse than anything he had ever imagined. Everything he had ever wanted had been his, no questions. Until he’d thrown it away.

All because he had somehow come to doubt the man who had never given him a reason to doubt. The man who had held him on those days better left unspoken of, where Stiles wished the world would swallow him up. The man who made him smile with just the twitch of an eyebrow. The man who had been the major part of Stiles’ life for the last two years.

Thrown away for doubts from all sides; Scott telling him there were many more people here,  _his age_ , that would be way better for him; Lydia refusing to speak to him if he so much as spoke Peter’s name or went to reply to his text’s if she was in the room; Derek never failing to mention Laura whenever Peter’s name came up in conversation.

Though none of that was really new, the distance caused by Stiles going off to College had certainly made all those doubts seem viable. He had let them eat away at him, allowed the distance to stir up all his lingering self-doubts until he had convinced himself that he was no longer good enough for Peter. 

That, no matter what Peter said, their relationship would not last. 

Stiles had wanted to save himself from the pain of a face to face break up, he could admit that, but all he had done was insure that he would be weighed down from it all. Seeing Peter would have stopped all the thoughts from holding sway in his brain and he would have been able to see the colossal error he was going to make if they had been face to face.

The door to his room opening up startled Stiles, and he whipped his head up - the insane thought that it was Peter forefront in his mind.

Scott stepped in, and all Stiles saw was red.

“ _I hate you!_ ” He yelled at Scott. He knew that Scott was only a small part of the bigger problem, but Stiles needed someone to blame and he was the easiest target.

Scott stumbled back, eyes wide and concerned as he looked at Stiles.

Instead of staying to explain, Stiles hurriedly picked up his phone and elbowed his way past Scott. Thankfully Scott was wise enough to not try to hold him back.

Stiles sped down the hallway, taking the stairs down to the ground floor two at a time. He nearly fell twice, tears blocking his sight and limbs numb.

The cool air of outside greeted him and helped to clear his head as he stumbled out the door. He did not stop, needing movement to keep from having a full blown panic attack.

He pulled up his phone as he went to check his messages. The screen was blank, no missed calls or text messages. Stiles could not say he blamed Peter. 

He punched call on Peter’s number and listened as the phone rang, _once_ ,  _twice_ ,  _thrice_ , before it went to voicemail. His lower lip trembled as he listened to Peter’s voice.

“Peter, it’s Stiles. Please, I need to talk to you.” He left his message, voice shaky.

Stiles is not sure how long he just wandered, all around the campus and into town. He felt lost, a part of him torn away due to his own stupidity. 

When his phone rang, it startled him. The part of town he was in was quiet, only a few other people making their way along the street. 

When he saw Peter’s face on his screen he felt a quick stab of panic pulse through him before he swiped to answer.

“Peter.” He barely said before Peter was talking over him.

“Where in the hell are you?” Peter asked, angry and out of breath.

“In town.” Stiles replied as he glanced around, vaguely having an idea of where he was.

“We are not having this fucking conversation over the fucking phone when we are fucking miles apart.” Peter’s voice was whip sharp and Stiles flinched. 

Stiles gripped his phone tighter. “I know, Peter, I’m sorry-”

“I don’t want to hear it Stiles. Not over the phone. I just drove four hours so that we could talk so you better get your fucking ass back to your dorm as soon as possible.”

“You did?” Stiles was stunned. Peter had been driving for hours so he could talk to Stiles, while all Stiles did was meander around like a lost idiot. “Okay, I’m coming. It’s just, I’m going to be awhile.”

Peter sighed. “You’re such a fucking kid. Get a cab, I’ll pay for it when you get here.”

Peter hung up before Stiles could say anything. 

Stiles did not really want to think about what Peter would say when he got back, so he focused on getting a cab. It was easy enough and in less than 30 minutes he was back at his dorm.

Peter was waiting outside on the bench but he jumped to his feet as he saw the cab pulling up and he paid the driver while Stiles got out.

Stiles could not stop his eyes from roving all over Peter, soaking up the sight of him. He was wearing his black suede button up coat with a white collared shirt underneath and Stiles’ favourite pair of dark blue jeans. 

Peter turned to him as the cab drove away and Stiles ached at the sight of him. Peter look harried and exhausted. Stiles probably did not look much better.

“I didn’t mean any of it!” Stiles squeaked out before Peter could say anything.

“You think I don’t know that?” Peter asked though Stiles could see a hint of weariness in the wolf’s eyes. “Idiot. I knew, I fucking knew something like this was going to happen.”

Peter pulled Stiles in for a hug and Stiles fell into the embrace. He hugged Peter hard as he cried, again, relief coursing through him. 

“I didn’t-” Stiles hiccuped. “It was just-” He gasped. “Too many thoughts.”

Stiles heard a sniff and looked up to see Peter crying as well. He had caused that and it doubled the pain he was feeling.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Stiles told Peter earnestly as he wiped away the wolf’s tears.

“Me too. I’m sorry.” Peter said as he gripped Stiles tighter.

Stiles pulled his head back to get a better look at Peter. “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who had so many doubts and stupid thoughts that I thought breaking up with you was the right choice.”

Peter thumbed away Stiles’ tears. “Because, like I said, I knew something like this was going to happen. Your friends don’t like our relationship, and you’re away at College. It does not matter how strong your resolve is, doubt was bound to creep in. I should have come up sooner.”

Stiles did not have a response but Peter did not appear to want one as he leaned in to give Stiles a kiss.

Stiles let himself enjoy the kiss for a few seconds before pulling away. “So you’re not mad?” He could not help but ask.

“Oh, I very much am but I know the blame falls on my shoulders as well.” Peter told him, a glint in his eyes. “As your punishment, I’m only going to make you worship me for a day instead of a week.”

Stiles laughed. He could not help the full bellied laugh that he let out, clutching at Peter in joy and relief. 

Perhaps they would sit down later for a better, fuller conversation but for now they did what they did best. They went back to Stiles’ dorm room - thankfully Scott free - and talked through the movement of their bodies together.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> \- M
> 
> PS. If you've been anxiously waiting for me to update my WIPs, they are coming! I was without a laptop for almost two weeks and have not been able to work on my stories at all until today. Thank you for your patience and understanding! :)


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